Get up and walk

After being beaten up by all the "Biggest Loser" exercise video's I decided to try something else.

So.. I got this dvd for walking. I know, sounds silly.. I paid 12 bucks to learn how to walk. But seriously, this dvd is great! Its called , Walk OFF 10 Pounds. Its part of the Leslie Sansone's "Walk at home". I did it last night. Walked 3 miles in a 5 by 5 area. I was in an asthma attack by the middle of mile 2. Pretty intense for just walking.

I also got this amazing workout shirt. It cost 5 dollars on sale from target. its so comfy and soft. I "walked" in it last night. And Loved it!

Can't wait to see all the results from all this. I'm starting to think I might just weight in the 140's forever! Its been months.. But I'll keep trying.. and trying.. and trying..

I really wish I had a gym near by. I'd pay any amount of money to go to one. I've lost all this weight and never went to a gym once. And now. I really, really want to! But sadly.. none close by. Here's to another day of healthy and happiness!

normal

I have spent my entire life in obsession with food.

I realized last night that I finally feel normal.

Perhaps part of my lack of motivation the past few months is because not only do I not feel obsessed with weight loss. I am not even obsessed with eating.. Its kinda at this point you wish you didn't have to eat.. so you could just move on without ever thinking of it again...

why isn't it that simple!?.. :(

Sometimes I feel guilty for eating things people eat all the time, like a pancake or cheese on my eggs. Can't a normal weight person have cheese on their eggs every once in a while?

seriously.. what is a normal person to do?

I've only ever eaten too much of something or had to limit myself so hugely so I didn't engorge..

the other day my husband and I split a pack of reese's cups. we each had one. 105 calories. I'm sure he didn't feel guilty.. but of course later I did. I didn't even over eat that day. And I haven't eaten one of those in years. The weird thing was, it was too sweet. And I don't really desire to even eat them. I'd be perfectly fine without a reese's for as long as I live. And I use to love them.. did I? Or did I just love any candy?.. who knows..

I use to not even look normal. People always told me I had pretty eyes.

Now random people at work have told me, you are beautiful.

I only ever got the eyes compliment when I was overweight.. and now.. they notice my entire beauty. Could they not see it before?

I even feel normal. While shopping, I can pick out clothes from the ladies or even jrs.. before it was always plus size. I don't feel uncomfortable when walking around or talking to people. I feel... normal.

I feel in control. Sometimes it even feels good to not eat a snack when I'm a little bit hungry. I am in control of that. yep. I get to choose.

Today I put some cheese on my eggs. I saw this special on tv about how a little bit of fat each day can help weight loss. So... since I hardly eat cheese. I did it. I ate it! Should I feel guilty? I feel normal! HA! NORMAL! I didn't eat a pound of it.. and it was yummy. What a fantastic feeling! I ate cheese because I wanted to. Because I was hungry and I like cheese on my eggs.

Next week is my birthday. I feel as though. If I don't get this life under control.. when would I? I'm just getting older.. aren't we all..

I don't have forever.

Today I feel normal. And I like it.

I leave you with a picture of me from 2 days ago..

to be free

One of the things people have been saying to me.. is that they can't believe I've kept the weight off.

When I first decided to lose weight. I had gotten on the scale and saw that I was over 200 pounds. I had never been that big before. I was almost 100 pounds overweight. At the time I had been unemployed for 9 months. I felt as though people would not hire me because of how I looked. I was convinced. Along with that I could hardly breath. I had to lay down due to the chest pains and asthma I was having. I was a wreck. I didn't know how to change.

It all began by doing some research. I started looking up information on Overeating. Realizing I had a problem bigger than just my weight. I joined a group called Overeaters Annonymous. I started going to online groups where we discussed our Eating disorder, Compulsive Overeating. After a few weeks of group, I started to see how people never did anything proactive about their problem. The talks were the same people. Still eating. I thought about how if I were an alcoholic going to AA. I would probably need to stop drinking. Well.. how do I just stop eating?

So I did some research. I learned about calories. I discovered how many calories I needed to eat a day. I began to pay attention to what I was eating and drinking. Shortly after that I joined a website called diet.com. A commmunity of people who have followed my story and supported me through it all. I began my weightloss with a question.. why am I eating? The answer to that question often determined if I would eat that item. Was I hungry? Or was I eating out of an emotional attachment to food? boredom? sadness? lonliness? habit? Food had to become energy and no longer my companion. It could no longer be my drug.

My weight was never just pounds. It wasn't weight from a health problems or from having a child. My weight was from years of coping with a deep childhood wound. Compounded with years of being made fun of for being overweight. Like a visious cycle I just remained the same, blind to my own condition.

Everyday I am dealing with those wounds. Not with food. But with healing and love.
Losing weight has been like uncovering who has been hiding underneath that mask.

And now. I am able to live in freedom. Emotional, physical, and spiritualy whole.

For me, learning about my addiction wasnt enough. Being free of my addiction. Now thats where to change happens.

-I highly recommend the OA program. It truly helped me begin my process. Here is the website. http://www.oa.org/

I was morbidly obese.

Do you know a BMI (body mass index) of 30 or more is "obese".

When I weighed 204 pounds my BMI was 41.2. Any BMI over 35 is considered "morbid obesity". Any BMI over 40 is stage 3 obese.

Which means I was stage 3 and morbidly obese.

That fact gives me chills. Even after a year and a half later. I can not believe I was that big.

Check me out...

This is perhaps one of the worst pictures of me. From a few years ago. seriously. wow.

You see, I didn't really realize what I was doing. I was overweight since I was about 8. I didn't really understand calories. I knew what foods were healthy. But for some reason. The two didn't connect. I can't explain it. I just didn't get it. When I was an adult I didn't think it was possible to lose weight on purpose.

The sad part is, I still have a BMI of 28. Still overweight.

I needed to see it for what it really is. Death.

Sometimes I might seem crazy for the way I eat. Because its not like other people.

But I must be this way. Because I want to live.

And here I am today. (well.. last week)

Its more than what I look like. Its about my health.

Who knows the damage I've already done. Being healthy is worth eating things that aren't always the tastiest or most popular. Its worth it.

Have you done your research lately?

Do you know how being overweight can effect you and your future?

http://www.win.niddk.nih.gov/publications/health_risks.htm#cancer


Health risks?

http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=5912&cn=219

Check out you BMI..use this website to calculate your BMI..

http://www.nhlbisupport.com/bmi/

the runner lover

“Running has never failed to give me great end results, and that's why I keep coming back for more!”

So back in the 7th grade we had to run a mile. yep. 1 mile. I remember running around the track at school. My asthma was overwhelming. My face burned like fire. That was the last time I ran the entire mile without walking. Until.. a few years ago. I told some friends that I wanted to run a mile. So we started out running on the sidewalk. Every other day we would get together, run, and eat an apple. We did that for months until we finally.. RAN A mile!

About 6 months after that I had the desire to lose some weight. Running was not really something I was good at. I was horrible! So I made running my passion. I ran and ran.

Since I got married a few months ago I have only ran once. We got bikes and so biking had become our exercise. Today.. I did an exercise video.. and then.. I ran. 1 mile.

The mile. I ran it in 13 minutes 31 seconds.

And I was in love. Again.

{Soon I will beat my 5 mile speed of 75 minutes}

the skinny on gettin skinny

Lets face reality.

Its hard to change.

Its hard to break our habits.

Its hard to do something different, to be different.

Its been over a year. I am thinner. But not as healthy as I'd like.

The past 3 months have been the hardest. Getting married, moving into a new house, living with someone new. Trying to get the hang on things.

I have not lost a single pound since getting married. Its not from lack of trying. I eat well.. And I exercise. A lot.. I'm not sure what's going on. Its been very hard. I am happy. I love my life. I love my body. I like me. But I want to be healthier. And I know I still carry a lot of extra pounds that I shouldn't.

But lets be honest. This is hard. I don't want to always eat right or exercise. And seriously.. who always does? Besides maybe Arnold..

But we regular people. We have husbands who like pizza. We have families that want ice cream. We have jobs that provide free lunches. We love our treats.. or meats.. our starbucks.

But lets look deep into ourselves. Who controls us? Do we? Or do we let those things control us? Who's in charge of my health? ME. Yes.. ME.

I'm not just who people assume I am. Because I use to be 204 pounds. Because I wore big pants and shirts. That doesn't define me. But Who controls my life. Yes.. that is everything. Because that makes me who I am.

So to be skinny. I simply live my life with me in control. Completely aware of me.
The good parts, the strong parts, and the parts of me that want to just give up. And by loving all those parts that make me who I am. I am able to change.