The change

Its hard sometimes to give myself the credit. Last night I was thinking.. wow.. look how hard you worked. Look how much time and self control this took. Look how awesome the results are.

Its hard sometimes to realize.. I did this.

Hard work brought me to this place. I use to be on the road most taken. The road filled with snacks.. thoughtless meals.. eating without thinking. Now I'm I feel I'm on that "Skinny Winner" track. Eating good.. feeling good.

But it is a choice. Its an everyday choice. I really had to change who I am. How I eat is a huge part of my life.

Any sort of change takes work. We wish it didn't but it does.


The results are not only physical. I spent around 10 years of my life being obese.

I am 24. Which means since I was 14.. since people actually recalled what I looked like.. I was the "Fat Girl".

I hated gym class. Not because I didnt like to be active. I really wasnt good at it. In a room full of people who are, you really stand out.

I had my times of people making fun of me. Some people asked.. "When are you expecting".. I'm not pregnant. On my first real date with my fiance. Our host suggested to our server that I would not be drinking wine because I was expecting.
It was valentines day. I was dressing in a green silk shirt. I didn't think I looked pregnant. My fiance leaned over and said "What are we going to name it?".. Oh what a good man! We had been dating only a month. I knew he was a keeper right there. When I do become pregnant I decided I will take him back to that place to tell him.

Its been hard. People are mean and kids are so honest about what they think.

It feels like your hiding. Hoping no one sees, or no kid asks.. hey, why is you belly so big? Why are you wearing long pants in the summer? Why do you cry when you try on clothes? The list goes on.. there are so many things we do to try to hide ourselves. But we can not hide from how we feel. Its hard to breath, its hard to live, its hard to be yourself when yourself is spending all its time hiding the fat.

Or perhaps. We do not see what condition we are in yet.

Perhaps we are use to ourselves.

We are in control. We can make the change. Its hard, but we must realize for ourselves who we are and how we want to live. No one else can make the change.