151

My weight!

numbers.

For a long time a number defined me. It was always a three digit number.

Always larger than I desired it to be. Always a secret number.

I felt ashamed at that number.

Today my number is better. It doesn't define me. In fact it is always changing! Which is the best part..

I lied on my license.

I said I weighed 155.. at the time I weighed 185. At the time.. I thought.. this number.. represents me.

I am two pounds away from being in a group of numbers that sounds sooo good! 140.. doesnt that sound thin? Well after being 204 .. it sound AMAZING!

I look forward to this number.. 149.

And although it won't define me. I will be so pound to be there.

drum roll please

I weigh.. 152!

22 POUNDS to go! WOOOOH HOOO.

The change

Its hard sometimes to give myself the credit. Last night I was thinking.. wow.. look how hard you worked. Look how much time and self control this took. Look how awesome the results are.

Its hard sometimes to realize.. I did this.

Hard work brought me to this place. I use to be on the road most taken. The road filled with snacks.. thoughtless meals.. eating without thinking. Now I'm I feel I'm on that "Skinny Winner" track. Eating good.. feeling good.

But it is a choice. Its an everyday choice. I really had to change who I am. How I eat is a huge part of my life.

Any sort of change takes work. We wish it didn't but it does.


The results are not only physical. I spent around 10 years of my life being obese.

I am 24. Which means since I was 14.. since people actually recalled what I looked like.. I was the "Fat Girl".

I hated gym class. Not because I didnt like to be active. I really wasnt good at it. In a room full of people who are, you really stand out.

I had my times of people making fun of me. Some people asked.. "When are you expecting".. I'm not pregnant. On my first real date with my fiance. Our host suggested to our server that I would not be drinking wine because I was expecting.
It was valentines day. I was dressing in a green silk shirt. I didn't think I looked pregnant. My fiance leaned over and said "What are we going to name it?".. Oh what a good man! We had been dating only a month. I knew he was a keeper right there. When I do become pregnant I decided I will take him back to that place to tell him.

Its been hard. People are mean and kids are so honest about what they think.

It feels like your hiding. Hoping no one sees, or no kid asks.. hey, why is you belly so big? Why are you wearing long pants in the summer? Why do you cry when you try on clothes? The list goes on.. there are so many things we do to try to hide ourselves. But we can not hide from how we feel. Its hard to breath, its hard to live, its hard to be yourself when yourself is spending all its time hiding the fat.

Or perhaps. We do not see what condition we are in yet.

Perhaps we are use to ourselves.

We are in control. We can make the change. Its hard, but we must realize for ourselves who we are and how we want to live. No one else can make the change.

Ideal weight?

Check out this chart. Where do you stand?

I am 4'11. I am itty bitty. I'd like to say I have huge bones.. but.. I don't. I have a small frame. Little wrists, tiny legs. I carry my weight in my belly.

So.. looking at this cart my ideal weight is 103-113 pounds! Haha! WOW!

I use to be 204 pounds! yikes!

I am still 40 pounds overweight. Ughh. My goal of 130 might turn into a goal of 115. Imagine that! April 2011. 115 pounds! Hey.. this time last year I was 50 pounds heavier... I could do that!

What's your motivation?

I am getting married in 65 days. I have lost 51 pounds. I have won contests. Had articles written about me. I have had reasons, goals, and rewards. I have joined groups and websites. I have used all resources available to me. And yet.. I found myself looking in the mirror this morning. I am healthier, I am thinner, I am happier. And for the first time ever.. My motivation is looks. Yes.. I want to look better.

Perhaps its the upcoming wedding.. but I still want to lose more! 10 more this month. Yes .. I am going to try for 10 more pounds this month.

I was starting to feel comfortable. I like myself. I like the way I look. I like being in the 150's. Mostly because this is the thinnest I have been since jr high. But I'm still not there yet. I still have not reached my goal.

I am going on Vacation on May 4th. I hope to be 143 by then.

Get a pet and lose some pounds!

We found a rottweiler puppy running in the road on Easter.

We have been "fostering" him.

He has kept me active for the past few days.

I highly suggest getting a dog!

We can't keep him.. however he really helps! I'll miss him when he finds a new home.