cupcake fairy

today I wish.

A little fairy delivered cupcakes whenever you wanted one.


And of course they are calorie free.

New recipeeeee!

BBQ chicken in the crock pot. I cooked this Today. I made it up as I went and it was yummy.

4-6 chicken thighs, on the bone.
Sweet baby rays BBQ sauce
1 fresh onion
enriched white rice or brown rice
steamfresh microwavable corn (vegetable of choice)


step 1: Make sure chicken is fresh or almost thawed. Remove skin from chicken. (this decreased the amount of grease in juice, also less fat)

step 2: Put chicken in crock pot on low. If chicken is fresh add small amount of water to keep chicken from sticking.

step 3: season chicken using small teaspoon of "Jane's crazy mix up salt" or salt and pepper.

step 4: While chicken cooks, cut up half an onion. Place 2-3 slices of onion on top of eat slice of chicken.

step 5: allow chicken to cook for 2 hours. When chicken begins to turn white. Remove juices from crock pot leaving small amount to prevent sticking.

step 6. coat each piece of chicken with Sweet baby rays bbq sauce. Let cook 2 more hours or until chicken is no longer pink.

step 7. Prepare rice according to direction on box 1/2 to an hour to serving the meal.

step 8. Once rice is finished mix rice into the juices in crock pot. Add more bbq sauce to desired taste. Rice should look pinkish with BBQ chicken flavor. Let rice and chicken cook for about 10 minutes.

step 9. Scoop rice out of crock pot. Lay chicken on top of rice with onions on top of chicken as garnish. Serve with desired vegetable on side.

My chicken cooked in about 4 hours. I cooked 4 thighs for 2 people.

I also cooked baked apples as a side dish with the corn.

Pineapple would also go well for more of a summer dish.

Get up and walk

After being beaten up by all the "Biggest Loser" exercise video's I decided to try something else.

So.. I got this dvd for walking. I know, sounds silly.. I paid 12 bucks to learn how to walk. But seriously, this dvd is great! Its called , Walk OFF 10 Pounds. Its part of the Leslie Sansone's "Walk at home". I did it last night. Walked 3 miles in a 5 by 5 area. I was in an asthma attack by the middle of mile 2. Pretty intense for just walking.

I also got this amazing workout shirt. It cost 5 dollars on sale from target. its so comfy and soft. I "walked" in it last night. And Loved it!

Can't wait to see all the results from all this. I'm starting to think I might just weight in the 140's forever! Its been months.. But I'll keep trying.. and trying.. and trying..

I really wish I had a gym near by. I'd pay any amount of money to go to one. I've lost all this weight and never went to a gym once. And now. I really, really want to! But sadly.. none close by. Here's to another day of healthy and happiness!

normal

I have spent my entire life in obsession with food.

I realized last night that I finally feel normal.

Perhaps part of my lack of motivation the past few months is because not only do I not feel obsessed with weight loss. I am not even obsessed with eating.. Its kinda at this point you wish you didn't have to eat.. so you could just move on without ever thinking of it again...

why isn't it that simple!?.. :(

Sometimes I feel guilty for eating things people eat all the time, like a pancake or cheese on my eggs. Can't a normal weight person have cheese on their eggs every once in a while?

seriously.. what is a normal person to do?

I've only ever eaten too much of something or had to limit myself so hugely so I didn't engorge..

the other day my husband and I split a pack of reese's cups. we each had one. 105 calories. I'm sure he didn't feel guilty.. but of course later I did. I didn't even over eat that day. And I haven't eaten one of those in years. The weird thing was, it was too sweet. And I don't really desire to even eat them. I'd be perfectly fine without a reese's for as long as I live. And I use to love them.. did I? Or did I just love any candy?.. who knows..

I use to not even look normal. People always told me I had pretty eyes.

Now random people at work have told me, you are beautiful.

I only ever got the eyes compliment when I was overweight.. and now.. they notice my entire beauty. Could they not see it before?

I even feel normal. While shopping, I can pick out clothes from the ladies or even jrs.. before it was always plus size. I don't feel uncomfortable when walking around or talking to people. I feel... normal.

I feel in control. Sometimes it even feels good to not eat a snack when I'm a little bit hungry. I am in control of that. yep. I get to choose.

Today I put some cheese on my eggs. I saw this special on tv about how a little bit of fat each day can help weight loss. So... since I hardly eat cheese. I did it. I ate it! Should I feel guilty? I feel normal! HA! NORMAL! I didn't eat a pound of it.. and it was yummy. What a fantastic feeling! I ate cheese because I wanted to. Because I was hungry and I like cheese on my eggs.

Next week is my birthday. I feel as though. If I don't get this life under control.. when would I? I'm just getting older.. aren't we all..

I don't have forever.

Today I feel normal. And I like it.

I leave you with a picture of me from 2 days ago..

to be free

One of the things people have been saying to me.. is that they can't believe I've kept the weight off.

When I first decided to lose weight. I had gotten on the scale and saw that I was over 200 pounds. I had never been that big before. I was almost 100 pounds overweight. At the time I had been unemployed for 9 months. I felt as though people would not hire me because of how I looked. I was convinced. Along with that I could hardly breath. I had to lay down due to the chest pains and asthma I was having. I was a wreck. I didn't know how to change.

It all began by doing some research. I started looking up information on Overeating. Realizing I had a problem bigger than just my weight. I joined a group called Overeaters Annonymous. I started going to online groups where we discussed our Eating disorder, Compulsive Overeating. After a few weeks of group, I started to see how people never did anything proactive about their problem. The talks were the same people. Still eating. I thought about how if I were an alcoholic going to AA. I would probably need to stop drinking. Well.. how do I just stop eating?

So I did some research. I learned about calories. I discovered how many calories I needed to eat a day. I began to pay attention to what I was eating and drinking. Shortly after that I joined a website called diet.com. A commmunity of people who have followed my story and supported me through it all. I began my weightloss with a question.. why am I eating? The answer to that question often determined if I would eat that item. Was I hungry? Or was I eating out of an emotional attachment to food? boredom? sadness? lonliness? habit? Food had to become energy and no longer my companion. It could no longer be my drug.

My weight was never just pounds. It wasn't weight from a health problems or from having a child. My weight was from years of coping with a deep childhood wound. Compounded with years of being made fun of for being overweight. Like a visious cycle I just remained the same, blind to my own condition.

Everyday I am dealing with those wounds. Not with food. But with healing and love.
Losing weight has been like uncovering who has been hiding underneath that mask.

And now. I am able to live in freedom. Emotional, physical, and spiritualy whole.

For me, learning about my addiction wasnt enough. Being free of my addiction. Now thats where to change happens.

-I highly recommend the OA program. It truly helped me begin my process. Here is the website. http://www.oa.org/