My identity.

I spent much of my childhood being overweight. After so many years of being that way, that is simply how I see myself. I do have self control now a days. I can pass up on any tasty foods. Even my old favorites. I use not be able to stop myself from eating birthday cake at parties, or pizza with the girls. I didn't really know what it was like to want to eat something. I just always did. I ate tons of things, and it wasn't because I liked them. I couldn't help but eat them.

Anyways. After losing lots of weight, and keeping it off. I have realized that I still think of myself the old way. I have new coping skills, and eating skills. However, that has not changed how I view me. The way I look today has become the new "fat" me. I still see myself as being to chubby. However I have the hardest time not anticipating a giant girl looking back at me. And when I look in the mirror. She's not there anymore.

And here is the hard part. In order to drop these last pounds and completely surrender to the process I know will work. I have to let go of the old me completely. I won't be the fat girl, I wont have trouble playing sports, I wont get tired walking around... then.. who am I?

I have spent much of this process discovering so much about myself. Things I really enjoy and never knew.. activities I love to do, but never could. I enjoy this new me.. all while saying goodbye to who I once was. I didn't hate my old self. I just felt bad for it. I felt sad within that body. I appreciate those years of appreciating life. But I will never go back. And I have finally made it to the place of surrender. Of letting go of her. My old fat friend. She's held me back. And now.. I am ready.

New year Revolution..

This year I have big plans to shake up my life.

This is going to be a great year, I just know it.

I want to start a weight loss revolution!

And that, begins, with YOU!

For whatever reason, you are reading this.

My sad little blog that only has 4 followers.

Only ever had one comment, and yet. Has had almost 500 views.

I have some things I'd really like to change this year.


Number one. Is to weight 120 pounds by June 1st

I guess that's it. All the things I want to do and be come with losing those pounds.

Like eating healthy, and exercising. Can't do the first without doing those "healthy" things..

Here is your chance to join me. 6 months from now, who will you be? What will your life be like?

Its time to join the revolution. Its your time.

What's in this drink?

Today I had plans to get some Coffee with my husband. We got Starbucks gift cards for christmas. I have a deep love for chai tea lattes, especially from this one particular starbucks. Its delish! However it also has wayyy too many calories. On my last visit I switched to fat free milk in it. Cut out a little calories...but the sugar.. oh the sugar!! I knew it was loaded. So I went to starbucks.com and looked up low cal options. I am not so much a coffee drinker. So I was looking for a tea option. And happily I found a brewed tea with zero calories! YES! And I added some fake sugar. I got a venti for 2.45. Cheap and calorie free! The I picked up 2 boxes of tea bags from the store on the way home. I drink herbal tea, most times with no milk and a little bit of sweetener and sometimes a little honey. Roobios Red tea is my new favorite. Its very good.


So.. the question is.. what's in this drink?

I saw tons of people getting their warm holiday drinks as we sat and drank ours. There can't be that much sugar and calories in coffee.. right?

Did you know an eggnog latte has 470 calories in a grande? 48 grams of sugar! and 21 grams of fat! woh now! that's almost half my day's calories!

Did you know you can cut the calories by getting (most) lattes made "skinny" sugar free with nonfat milk. With 130 calories in stead.. and no fat! Try it out.. Your hips won't regret it! Or try out the brewed tea.. Its yummy.


Here is a link to starbucks.
http://www.starbucks.com/menu/drinks/tazo-tea/tazo-vanilla-rooibos-brewed-tea?foodZone=9999
You might be surprised by What's in your drink.

Face lift

Next year in mind..

I have decided that the best time to lose weight is between January and May.

And lucky for us. January is just a few weeks away! There is just something so exciting about a new year.. and a new you!

So.. lets get thinking..

What are our goals for this upcoming year?

And I'm not talking resolutions..

I'm talking obtainable goals.

Like.. lose 5 pounds a month. Or walk 30 minutes a day. Eat more fruit.

Ones we can look back and say.. I did it!

ok... so here is something fun. On new years eve. Take a few photos of yourself. then save them.. and new years next year.. check em out. It will be so awesome! Trust me! I will be posting my new years photos soon. This year and last. You can do soooo much in just one year. What will you do?

Holiday Eating tips

People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas. ~Author Unknown

Christmas is right around the corner,and so are, the holiday feasts. Yah know, the kind that last all day. Sometimes an entire week. And the goodies just keep coming.

Here is a link to some tips on how to stay thin during the holidays..

http://www.essortment.com/lifestyle/dietinghowtog_sgvn.htm

Tip of the day

If you Love french toast as much as I do..

use these tips to lower calories


1. Use 35 calorie wheat bread.

2. Use low fat or fat free milk.

4. Use egg beaters or egg whites only

5. Use Cinnamon to add some flavor, leave out any additive sugar

6. Cook on non stick skillet, no need for butter or oil

7. top with margarine and light or sugar free syrup

Imagine.. only 35 calories for the bread means your bread only equals 175 calories.. plus the nice healthy eggs and milk.. what a tasty treat!

New hair cut!

the chubby wife

As much as I try to pretend like being married doesn't effect my health. It totally does!

Since getting married 6 months ago.. I had gained.. yes. 10 pounds. I was exercising.. and eating healthy. I just wasn't eating as little or as exact as I did before the big day.

One day I finally had to admit.. I was gaining... but the strange this was. I didn't feel bigger. In fact my clothes were the same. So perhaps it was water weight. But anyways.. I have lost 8 of those pounds in the past 2 weeks. And am happily back to eating less than 1200 calories. And I am about to go running.

I don't feel badly about the last 6 months. I have totally enjoyed not being so intense about fitness. I recommend cutting yourself some honey moon slack and enjoying your life a bit. But as my husband makes himself tasty snack and eats another helping of pasta. I take a sip of his home made milk shake, I leave a little pasta on my plate, and drink some extra water.. all to stay in shape.

I know it was my diet. So I'm cutting back. And it feels good! I even got my hair cut.

Being a wife is a whole new department for weight loss. You have to start all over and try new methods. And I'm sure being a mother is even more difficult.

But I am seeing that scale go back down. And I'm feeling hopeful. And I'm happy.

tip of the day

3500 calories = 1 pound of fat

you need to burn 500 calories a day or eat 500 calories less to burn 1 pound a week.

do both and lose 2 pounds a week.

weightloss made simple.

so count those calories and get a move on.

I'm not there yet.

I'm not sure how to get to the next place. Without letting go of this place. This is the place of secure. I've accomplished so much. Yet, I'm not there yet.

Its like getting to your senior year and giving up and not graduating. You can see the end.. but you just give up.

Where to find the inspiration? To go above an beyond.. to do even more. What is the next step? How to we get even better. How do we change even more. How?

let us

Each day we are faced with the same thing. Ourselves. And without realizing it we start each day with a choice. The choice to do something different. To challenge ourselves in ways we never have. To show ourselves what we are made of. To become what no one thought we would ever be. To be stronger than we ever thought possible. To go above an beyond. To be different.

Being comfortable is the worst place to be. We don't want to move. We like it.

Lets get uncomfortable. Lets shake things up. Lets change.

training

This week I've run a total of 8 miles.

4 miles at a time.

feels good.

10k challenge!

On february 2nd I will be running a 10k.

I challenge anyone to join me in this run.

Walkers are welcome too.

Join me as I journey.

Run/walk anywhere at anytime. Inside or out. 6.4 miles on the 2nd of february.


Leave me a comment if you plan to join.

Work it .

I'm a work in progress

Lately I've been doing my own thing. Taking a break from the "social dieting". I felt it was time to get back to the basics. Back to why I decided to change. Although others are helpful. I felt it best to take some time for me.

What I found was remarkable. The thing that keeps me going the most in my new lifestyle. Is.. me. I am my best motivation.

I decided to change from my overeating addictive lifestyle because I didn't want to live that way any longer. I wasn't happy. I couldn't breath. I felt out of control. Its good to remind myself how far I've come. And to be proud of who I am.

I have had the hardest time losing weight in the last 5 months. Part of it, is my motivation was partially my wedding. I didn't even realize how much motivation it was. To be a skinny bride. I was fully devoted to getting to my goals. Now that I've become a healthier weight. I feel good. But.. I know I am still not at the place I desire.

I use to think that was a number. Although the number is important. I have also discovered that the way I view myself needs to change. I don't weigh 204 pounds and I am not that person any more. My insides haven't caught up with the outside.

I'm a work in progress. And I will be that way. For the rest of my life.

What I am learning is to be devoted and hard working, without being too hard on myself. I feel excited for what's to come as I learn & lose all at the same time.

cupcake fairy

today I wish.

A little fairy delivered cupcakes whenever you wanted one.


And of course they are calorie free.

New recipeeeee!

BBQ chicken in the crock pot. I cooked this Today. I made it up as I went and it was yummy.

4-6 chicken thighs, on the bone.
Sweet baby rays BBQ sauce
1 fresh onion
enriched white rice or brown rice
steamfresh microwavable corn (vegetable of choice)


step 1: Make sure chicken is fresh or almost thawed. Remove skin from chicken. (this decreased the amount of grease in juice, also less fat)

step 2: Put chicken in crock pot on low. If chicken is fresh add small amount of water to keep chicken from sticking.

step 3: season chicken using small teaspoon of "Jane's crazy mix up salt" or salt and pepper.

step 4: While chicken cooks, cut up half an onion. Place 2-3 slices of onion on top of eat slice of chicken.

step 5: allow chicken to cook for 2 hours. When chicken begins to turn white. Remove juices from crock pot leaving small amount to prevent sticking.

step 6. coat each piece of chicken with Sweet baby rays bbq sauce. Let cook 2 more hours or until chicken is no longer pink.

step 7. Prepare rice according to direction on box 1/2 to an hour to serving the meal.

step 8. Once rice is finished mix rice into the juices in crock pot. Add more bbq sauce to desired taste. Rice should look pinkish with BBQ chicken flavor. Let rice and chicken cook for about 10 minutes.

step 9. Scoop rice out of crock pot. Lay chicken on top of rice with onions on top of chicken as garnish. Serve with desired vegetable on side.

My chicken cooked in about 4 hours. I cooked 4 thighs for 2 people.

I also cooked baked apples as a side dish with the corn.

Pineapple would also go well for more of a summer dish.

Get up and walk

After being beaten up by all the "Biggest Loser" exercise video's I decided to try something else.

So.. I got this dvd for walking. I know, sounds silly.. I paid 12 bucks to learn how to walk. But seriously, this dvd is great! Its called , Walk OFF 10 Pounds. Its part of the Leslie Sansone's "Walk at home". I did it last night. Walked 3 miles in a 5 by 5 area. I was in an asthma attack by the middle of mile 2. Pretty intense for just walking.

I also got this amazing workout shirt. It cost 5 dollars on sale from target. its so comfy and soft. I "walked" in it last night. And Loved it!

Can't wait to see all the results from all this. I'm starting to think I might just weight in the 140's forever! Its been months.. But I'll keep trying.. and trying.. and trying..

I really wish I had a gym near by. I'd pay any amount of money to go to one. I've lost all this weight and never went to a gym once. And now. I really, really want to! But sadly.. none close by. Here's to another day of healthy and happiness!

normal

I have spent my entire life in obsession with food.

I realized last night that I finally feel normal.

Perhaps part of my lack of motivation the past few months is because not only do I not feel obsessed with weight loss. I am not even obsessed with eating.. Its kinda at this point you wish you didn't have to eat.. so you could just move on without ever thinking of it again...

why isn't it that simple!?.. :(

Sometimes I feel guilty for eating things people eat all the time, like a pancake or cheese on my eggs. Can't a normal weight person have cheese on their eggs every once in a while?

seriously.. what is a normal person to do?

I've only ever eaten too much of something or had to limit myself so hugely so I didn't engorge..

the other day my husband and I split a pack of reese's cups. we each had one. 105 calories. I'm sure he didn't feel guilty.. but of course later I did. I didn't even over eat that day. And I haven't eaten one of those in years. The weird thing was, it was too sweet. And I don't really desire to even eat them. I'd be perfectly fine without a reese's for as long as I live. And I use to love them.. did I? Or did I just love any candy?.. who knows..

I use to not even look normal. People always told me I had pretty eyes.

Now random people at work have told me, you are beautiful.

I only ever got the eyes compliment when I was overweight.. and now.. they notice my entire beauty. Could they not see it before?

I even feel normal. While shopping, I can pick out clothes from the ladies or even jrs.. before it was always plus size. I don't feel uncomfortable when walking around or talking to people. I feel... normal.

I feel in control. Sometimes it even feels good to not eat a snack when I'm a little bit hungry. I am in control of that. yep. I get to choose.

Today I put some cheese on my eggs. I saw this special on tv about how a little bit of fat each day can help weight loss. So... since I hardly eat cheese. I did it. I ate it! Should I feel guilty? I feel normal! HA! NORMAL! I didn't eat a pound of it.. and it was yummy. What a fantastic feeling! I ate cheese because I wanted to. Because I was hungry and I like cheese on my eggs.

Next week is my birthday. I feel as though. If I don't get this life under control.. when would I? I'm just getting older.. aren't we all..

I don't have forever.

Today I feel normal. And I like it.

I leave you with a picture of me from 2 days ago..

to be free

One of the things people have been saying to me.. is that they can't believe I've kept the weight off.

When I first decided to lose weight. I had gotten on the scale and saw that I was over 200 pounds. I had never been that big before. I was almost 100 pounds overweight. At the time I had been unemployed for 9 months. I felt as though people would not hire me because of how I looked. I was convinced. Along with that I could hardly breath. I had to lay down due to the chest pains and asthma I was having. I was a wreck. I didn't know how to change.

It all began by doing some research. I started looking up information on Overeating. Realizing I had a problem bigger than just my weight. I joined a group called Overeaters Annonymous. I started going to online groups where we discussed our Eating disorder, Compulsive Overeating. After a few weeks of group, I started to see how people never did anything proactive about their problem. The talks were the same people. Still eating. I thought about how if I were an alcoholic going to AA. I would probably need to stop drinking. Well.. how do I just stop eating?

So I did some research. I learned about calories. I discovered how many calories I needed to eat a day. I began to pay attention to what I was eating and drinking. Shortly after that I joined a website called diet.com. A commmunity of people who have followed my story and supported me through it all. I began my weightloss with a question.. why am I eating? The answer to that question often determined if I would eat that item. Was I hungry? Or was I eating out of an emotional attachment to food? boredom? sadness? lonliness? habit? Food had to become energy and no longer my companion. It could no longer be my drug.

My weight was never just pounds. It wasn't weight from a health problems or from having a child. My weight was from years of coping with a deep childhood wound. Compounded with years of being made fun of for being overweight. Like a visious cycle I just remained the same, blind to my own condition.

Everyday I am dealing with those wounds. Not with food. But with healing and love.
Losing weight has been like uncovering who has been hiding underneath that mask.

And now. I am able to live in freedom. Emotional, physical, and spiritualy whole.

For me, learning about my addiction wasnt enough. Being free of my addiction. Now thats where to change happens.

-I highly recommend the OA program. It truly helped me begin my process. Here is the website. http://www.oa.org/

I was morbidly obese.

Do you know a BMI (body mass index) of 30 or more is "obese".

When I weighed 204 pounds my BMI was 41.2. Any BMI over 35 is considered "morbid obesity". Any BMI over 40 is stage 3 obese.

Which means I was stage 3 and morbidly obese.

That fact gives me chills. Even after a year and a half later. I can not believe I was that big.

Check me out...

This is perhaps one of the worst pictures of me. From a few years ago. seriously. wow.

You see, I didn't really realize what I was doing. I was overweight since I was about 8. I didn't really understand calories. I knew what foods were healthy. But for some reason. The two didn't connect. I can't explain it. I just didn't get it. When I was an adult I didn't think it was possible to lose weight on purpose.

The sad part is, I still have a BMI of 28. Still overweight.

I needed to see it for what it really is. Death.

Sometimes I might seem crazy for the way I eat. Because its not like other people.

But I must be this way. Because I want to live.

And here I am today. (well.. last week)

Its more than what I look like. Its about my health.

Who knows the damage I've already done. Being healthy is worth eating things that aren't always the tastiest or most popular. Its worth it.

Have you done your research lately?

Do you know how being overweight can effect you and your future?

http://www.win.niddk.nih.gov/publications/health_risks.htm#cancer


Health risks?

http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=5912&cn=219

Check out you BMI..use this website to calculate your BMI..

http://www.nhlbisupport.com/bmi/

the runner lover

“Running has never failed to give me great end results, and that's why I keep coming back for more!”

So back in the 7th grade we had to run a mile. yep. 1 mile. I remember running around the track at school. My asthma was overwhelming. My face burned like fire. That was the last time I ran the entire mile without walking. Until.. a few years ago. I told some friends that I wanted to run a mile. So we started out running on the sidewalk. Every other day we would get together, run, and eat an apple. We did that for months until we finally.. RAN A mile!

About 6 months after that I had the desire to lose some weight. Running was not really something I was good at. I was horrible! So I made running my passion. I ran and ran.

Since I got married a few months ago I have only ran once. We got bikes and so biking had become our exercise. Today.. I did an exercise video.. and then.. I ran. 1 mile.

The mile. I ran it in 13 minutes 31 seconds.

And I was in love. Again.

{Soon I will beat my 5 mile speed of 75 minutes}

the skinny on gettin skinny

Lets face reality.

Its hard to change.

Its hard to break our habits.

Its hard to do something different, to be different.

Its been over a year. I am thinner. But not as healthy as I'd like.

The past 3 months have been the hardest. Getting married, moving into a new house, living with someone new. Trying to get the hang on things.

I have not lost a single pound since getting married. Its not from lack of trying. I eat well.. And I exercise. A lot.. I'm not sure what's going on. Its been very hard. I am happy. I love my life. I love my body. I like me. But I want to be healthier. And I know I still carry a lot of extra pounds that I shouldn't.

But lets be honest. This is hard. I don't want to always eat right or exercise. And seriously.. who always does? Besides maybe Arnold..

But we regular people. We have husbands who like pizza. We have families that want ice cream. We have jobs that provide free lunches. We love our treats.. or meats.. our starbucks.

But lets look deep into ourselves. Who controls us? Do we? Or do we let those things control us? Who's in charge of my health? ME. Yes.. ME.

I'm not just who people assume I am. Because I use to be 204 pounds. Because I wore big pants and shirts. That doesn't define me. But Who controls my life. Yes.. that is everything. Because that makes me who I am.

So to be skinny. I simply live my life with me in control. Completely aware of me.
The good parts, the strong parts, and the parts of me that want to just give up. And by loving all those parts that make me who I am. I am able to change.

Sweet Saturday!

Today I bought a new bike. I've been saving for a long time. Its everything I dreamed it would be.

The place I got it from charged my credit card twice! They said it should fix itself within 24 hours. Now that doesn't sound normal.. so I'm watching it like crazy to make sure it gives my my money back.

I can't wait for it to stop raining, so I can take it out for a ride.






I also got a haircut and a new outfit.

Love the new me!

Pizza my old friend.

The world feels heavy now.

Sitting upon my shoulders.

All the hours in the day filled with many questions.

Pressure, it weighs like a bag on my back.

People asking. People needing. People wanting.

Where is there a hidden place? Where I can just breath again?

The whistle, it sounds. Time for work again.

And there is sits. Happily it waits.

My friend. Perhaps.

Warm.

All the time in the day. Filled with many questions.

But there. You sit. My friend.

I greet you with a smile.

I thought of you all day.

But you are cold now.

Perhaps.. not a friend at all.

I lean closer.

My judgement still not clear.

I wipe my eyes.

So many worries for me in this day.

We use to be friends.

But now we cannot.

I smile. And walk away.

I have an eating obsession.

Yesterday was my day off.

I felt like making things all day long.

I made my husband chocolate dipped strawberries..

then I baked some whole wheat soft pretzels.

all I wanted to do was to eat them all. I wasn't hungry..

But the need.. the thought.. the haunting desire was there..

Eat .. Eat..

Over a year ago when I starting this journey I refused my body all things bad.

I cut my calories and took away all foods that were a temptation.

I put myself into a "food rehab"

slowly I've been able to control myself. I can eat just a little.

But lately I want more.

Perhaps its my new house.. with my husband.. a new situation that needs getting use to..

It could be my Long hours at work with no time to get a good workout.

Whatever it is.. I hate the feelings of my eating obsession.

The feeling that I am not in control.

Its time for a lifestyle check..

Its time for rehab.

I haven't gained weight.. but I can see and feel the warning signs of the obsession.

I know an eating disaster could be around the corner. '

I am the one in control of my body.

And I will keep going.

Because I am .. skinny.

139 pounds.

I weigh 139.

ps. check this out...

http://www.diet.com/dietblogs/read_blog.php?title=Newlywed+Rachel+Dropped+65+lbs%21&blid=19948

Summer Time

You'd think weight loss in the summer would be simple. With all the trips.. the walking.. the summer heat.. the swimming.. the adventures..

But what if you are stuck at work?

Perhaps a job with no airconditioning... cooking over a hot stove 3 times a day.. for 100's of children.. ? hmm.. maybe thats just me..

maybe your in an office.. typing and sitting.. waiting for 5 o'clock to come and set you free..

then perhaps summer is not an adventure .. but a very warm continuation of what you do the rest of the year.. and in that case.. weightloss is probably harder than ever! With all those summer bbq's.. with the chips.. and cakes.. burgers.. smores.. a health food nightmare..

Oh yes.. I know the feeling.. your hungry.. but there are only hot dogs and chips.. or some watermelon and you had 5 slices already.. :(

What do you do?

Sadly the only answer I have is.. bring a snack.. eat before you came.. wait till you get home.. eat more melon! Perhaps bring a whole wheat bun.. turkey burgers.. turkey dogs..

Resisting that yummy jello cake with all those fresh berries and cool whip.. do you know the one?

Resist with me my friend!

Summer is my most difficult time of year for weightloss. I retain water the entire months.. and can never get an accurate weigh in.. I'm busy.. I have no time to exercise.. or to plan my meals. I am constantly fighting the summer snacks.

So I'm here for a reality check. At 139 pounds.. I must keep going! My goal is 9 pounds away. I've come so far..

This is truly the most difficult time I've had resisting food and trying not to crave things..

So join me in the weeks to come. Lets keep eating healthy and working out. Even if we don't want to..

143 pounds.

I weigh 143. :)

married.

I have been married for 11 days now. I love being married & I love my husband. Here are some photos from our beautiful day!

146.

total weight loss. 58 pounds!

146 pounds!

Everyday Counts.

There is something I've been thinking about for some time now. I haven't really figured out how to say it.. but I am going to try.

I read a lot of things about how people "yo-yo diet".. or they "fad diet". We try every diet.. every pill.. every promise out there. And then we get depressed when it doesn't work.. or it does for a while.. then we quit. We hope someone will tell us the secret. Someone will slip us a magic bean and we will wake up thin. The problem is.. that doesn't solve the problem. The problem is us. When we start our "attempt" to lose weight.. and then eat candy and cake 3 times a day. We are the problem.

I'm sorry to be harsh. But its the truth.

CHANGE TAKE WORK!

The biggest thing in weight loss is that everything counts! When we eat candy, it counts.. when we eat salad.. it counts.. when we drink soda or juice it counts!

We don't slip of "the wagon".. we jump off! When we eat a bunch of junk.

I understand addiction. I have a food addiction. I am happy to admit that I LOVE to eat. My first thought are to eat. I'm not perfect. Today I drank a soda. It was diet coke caffiene free.. I never drink soda. I know its not good. But today I had one.

But that doesn't mean I have to start over tomorrow.

I just keep living. Changing your life can not be a trial. You are eating to live, or living to eat. Think about it.

Its about breaking the cycle!

Everyday is going to be a struggle. As time passes, I eat less bad things and more good things. Eventually.. we will eat less of everything, and only what keeps us fueled and healthy.

Our lives are not a tv show. We have to choose, and commit.

No matter what.. don't start over. No matter what.. don't give up.

In the world of health and weight loss.. everyday counts!

25 days.

This will be me in 25 days. Under an arch.. dressed in white.. with my groom. :)

The big girls.

I knew these girls in the 4th grade. They were taller than most girls our age. They weighed a lot more than girls our age. And me.. being the shortest person in our class.. well.. they seemed like giants. I nicknamed them.. "The big girls".

I never called them by their nickname. But in my head I thought.. oh.. there they are.. "the big girls". The funny thing was.. it wasn't a bad thing in my mind. They just happened to be bigger than me. So, that is how I could remember who they were.

All these years later, I could pick them out of my old year book. Sarah & Molly. They were nice girls.

I wonder today what they are like. I moved away after the 4th grade and never saw them again.

Its funny how we see people.

Hot dogs

Tonight I grilled 230 hot dogs at work.

I need not eat a single one. * I could have had like 10 if I wanted*

And I was seriously hungry.

I ate special K with soy milk just now.

Now thats commitment!

56 pounds down!

Going forward.

Sometimes I just sit and look at my diet.com profile. I read the numbers over and over..

My starting weight- 204

My current weight- 148

My goal weight- 130

weight loss since joining- 56 pounds

I am honestly still in shock at what I've done. Both to become 204 pounds to begin with.. and then to loose 56 pounds. I saw the film "Super Size Me" for the first time the other day. Do you know that entreme sudden weight gain can cause Liver problems and eventually liver failure? Do you know that you actually cause yourself to be sick by being overweight?

I felt sick all the time when I was 204 pounds. I had headaches.. a hard time breathing.. not to mention being depressed and insecure. I would have never have thought to tell people oh.. I'm "Sick".. Is being overweight the same as having a sickness? I don't smoke or drink. I think of those things as harmful to my body. Two things that could eventually cause diseases and death. But being overweight?

Its pretty normal to see a bunch of obese people around town. In fact.. its rare to find healthy looking people in the local town near me. Health is not necessarily our utmost concern. We wait till we are diabetic or are stuck in a wheel chair. Then we are like.. oh when did this happen? Woops.

The crazy thing is.. every meal counts. Your body has to process it all. Not to say I have the perfect diet. I'm just saying.. my body has to digest these things. I choose how I fuel my body. Because what is food? Its just fuel... right? Some times it seems its become more of a hobby that a need.

Today I woke up wanting to exercise. In fact I've been kinda grouchy lately. It could be the wedding plans, maybe I'm turning bridezilla, or the fact that my fiance and I just drove 3000 miles across the US this past week.. It could be lots of things.. But I decided this morning that exercise would help me to feel better. So.. I got my fiance, who is not overweight at all.. to do "Biggest Loser" bootcamp. We both almost puked after we were done. I mentioned in a recent blog that I was going to do my own "work out" thing. And so I did. And I will continue to do so. Even if my family is doing one handed push ups from their crazy work out video. I will stay true to myself... and my goals. Because I know what works for me.

And sometimes we need to do what is best for us.

Remember... food is fuel.

Have a great day!

All the others

When I started losing weight there was no one doing it with me. It was my own thing. On my own time. As the year has passed, my entire family is now into working out and eating healthy. The only problem is.. everyone has their own goals. I am a morning work out kinda person. I like to get it over with. Everyone else is night time work out people. Right now 3 family members are doing P90X in the living room.

I might have worked out this past year.. but lets be honest. I am still overweight. Is that an excuse?! well.. no. I still exercise. I'm just not a night time/ protein shake kinda gal. Nothing wrong with that...

It just hard to do your own thing in a pool of people with their own ideas.

Its not bad. It will just take some getting use to.

Perhaps sticking to exercising all on my own. Works best for me.

Oh to be a bride.

Good morning!

If you've been following me on diet.com you may know that I am engaged. On June 12th I will be saying "I do" to my boyfriend/fiance of 3 years 3 months & 2 weeks. (yes.. I still keep track). Yesterday was a fantastic moment. I took my dress to a bridal shop to be taken in. 2 hours later.. they finally finishing pinning my oversized dress. I bought this dress when I was 204 pounds. She has to take in 2 inches on both sides at the top!! As she pinned away I watched myself transform... I watched the pound disappear in an instant. And who I once was finally.. was no longer who I saw in the mirror. With great anticipation I happily stood in the gown of my dreams. A bride in the perfect white dress. Waiting for her groom. Literally waiting, since I have not seem my fiance in a few months.

Oh to be a bride.

I never thought I would get married. I wanted to.. I knew someday.. someone might Love me for who I was. But truly, I thought I might have to pay someone to truly understand me. My fiance met me a long time ago. He has loved me not for what I look like, but for who I am. Which makes weight loss so much more exciting. I know I don't have to look a certain way for him to be happy. So the fact that I'm thinner is an extra bonus.

It still surprises me that I am the bride. I am the one in Love. The one with the handsome man to marry.. the one with the big diamond ring. And it had nothing to do with the way I looked. I am loved, because I am me.

In 43 days I will put on my white perfectly fitted gown. My father will give me away. And I will Marry the Love of my life. And it will be beautiful, and perfect, all because of Love. And nothing else will matter.

Yep. You guessed it.

I'm....




pounds!

Size Medium.

Pictures of me today @ 150 pounds.



















Just a reminder of how far I've come.. Me @ 204lbs

150.

How much I weigh!

I have lost 54 pounds!

My Heart

There is a movement across this world. A movement that promotes a healthy lifestyle. However there is an even greater epidemic, One that promotes obesity. Which Movement are we part of?


The question is.. how did we get this way??

"Many factors can contribute to obesity and overweight, such as, lifestyle choices (e.g., lack of exercise), medical conditions (e.g., hypothyroidism), and genetics (i.e., heredity). When a person takes in more calories than he or she uses, overweight and obesity result. These excess calories are stored in the body as fat, and unless weight-control strategies are put into place, more and more weight is gained." (Healthcommunities.com)


Look around you.. fast food.. fried food.. easy food.. fatty food. Do we even know what is in that food? Do we even know what it does? People joke about what they are eating. Sadly they don't realize the harm it is doing to their bodies. Truly examine the food. Check out the fat content. Check out the calories. We can not assume that a salad is good for us, just because it involves lettuce. Most food items and drinks hold more calories that you probably thought.

55 percent of the state I live in, is overweight or obese.

My heart is to help people realize how to eat, how to live, how to be healthy!

Some may not realize it, but when you are obese, it controls your life. Its takes the joy of life from you. The best part is, that can change.

I want to tell people my story, to help them see. That they can do anything! We all can do anything.

So today.. lets try harder, run faster, love harder, and live a healthy and whole life. Lets do it, together.

Thoughts today.

Today I was thinking about if I had never changed.

Lately I've been seeing a lot of people I haven't seen in a while. For my bridal shower, and soon I'll see people from college.

I am so glad I decided to do this. To challenge myself. To actually try and lose weight. I see obese people a lot. People who are over 300 pounds. People who use wheel chairs at stores to get around. Today I wanted to stop a lady from buying things I knew were bad for her. I heard a woman tell her child "Get this one, it has more."..

That is how I use to think. Get the large, the bigger, the most. Yesterday I got mad because I wanted a small ice cream and my parents got me a large. It was way to big. My sister ate half of it for me. I never would have thought I'd be mad over too much.

What if I was still 204 pounds? What if I still cried going clothes shopping? What If my wedding dress was still too tight? What if I still had chest pains? What if I still had a hard time breathing? What if I still ate fast food? What if I still didn't like the way I look..

What if I had not tried?

I don't want to raise obese children.. I don't want to live an unhealthy life..

I don't want to feel unattractive.. I don't want to be the way I was.

Some how I want to show people how to be healthier. So that they can live again.

There is hope and there is freedom. Change is possible. We can reach our goals. We can change..

Don't let anyone tell you that you can't changes, especially yourself.

I believe in you!

What I use to look like..

This blog is in connection to my previous blog "Proud pictures".

Every once in a while its good to see how far I've come.

(click on any picture to enlarge it)

These are pictures of me from when I was around 200 pounds.

Proud pictures.

Today was a very proud day.

I took some pictures with my family (which I will have to post sometime).

I actually looked normal. For years I hated full body pictures. I always looked round... But today. Today was different! I looked good. I looked Normal. Being obese for so many years I always wanted to throw pictures away. Not I don't care. I like them! I like the way I look!

So.. I have decided to post some recent pictures from the past month or two..

Here you go!

The big 10

1 year has passed since I began this weight loss journey. I remember the day I lost my first 10 pounds. I had never lost weight on purpose. I wasn't even sure this exercise and eating healthy "thing" would work. To my surprise.. it did! I lost 10 pounds!.. It was a great feeling! I bought a cute purple shirt from target to celebrate. That shirt is huge on me now. But I still have it.. to remember that great moment in my life. The top 10. The most meaningful 10 pounds I ever lost.

(pictured above- me in the purple shirt, the day I hit my 10th pound mark)

I'm featured on diet.com!

My blog "Numbers" was featured on Diet.com's homepage. # 4. How cool is that! :)

151

My weight!

numbers.

For a long time a number defined me. It was always a three digit number.

Always larger than I desired it to be. Always a secret number.

I felt ashamed at that number.

Today my number is better. It doesn't define me. In fact it is always changing! Which is the best part..

I lied on my license.

I said I weighed 155.. at the time I weighed 185. At the time.. I thought.. this number.. represents me.

I am two pounds away from being in a group of numbers that sounds sooo good! 140.. doesnt that sound thin? Well after being 204 .. it sound AMAZING!

I look forward to this number.. 149.

And although it won't define me. I will be so pound to be there.

drum roll please

I weigh.. 152!

22 POUNDS to go! WOOOOH HOOO.

The change

Its hard sometimes to give myself the credit. Last night I was thinking.. wow.. look how hard you worked. Look how much time and self control this took. Look how awesome the results are.

Its hard sometimes to realize.. I did this.

Hard work brought me to this place. I use to be on the road most taken. The road filled with snacks.. thoughtless meals.. eating without thinking. Now I'm I feel I'm on that "Skinny Winner" track. Eating good.. feeling good.

But it is a choice. Its an everyday choice. I really had to change who I am. How I eat is a huge part of my life.

Any sort of change takes work. We wish it didn't but it does.


The results are not only physical. I spent around 10 years of my life being obese.

I am 24. Which means since I was 14.. since people actually recalled what I looked like.. I was the "Fat Girl".

I hated gym class. Not because I didnt like to be active. I really wasnt good at it. In a room full of people who are, you really stand out.

I had my times of people making fun of me. Some people asked.. "When are you expecting".. I'm not pregnant. On my first real date with my fiance. Our host suggested to our server that I would not be drinking wine because I was expecting.
It was valentines day. I was dressing in a green silk shirt. I didn't think I looked pregnant. My fiance leaned over and said "What are we going to name it?".. Oh what a good man! We had been dating only a month. I knew he was a keeper right there. When I do become pregnant I decided I will take him back to that place to tell him.

Its been hard. People are mean and kids are so honest about what they think.

It feels like your hiding. Hoping no one sees, or no kid asks.. hey, why is you belly so big? Why are you wearing long pants in the summer? Why do you cry when you try on clothes? The list goes on.. there are so many things we do to try to hide ourselves. But we can not hide from how we feel. Its hard to breath, its hard to live, its hard to be yourself when yourself is spending all its time hiding the fat.

Or perhaps. We do not see what condition we are in yet.

Perhaps we are use to ourselves.

We are in control. We can make the change. Its hard, but we must realize for ourselves who we are and how we want to live. No one else can make the change.

Ideal weight?

Check out this chart. Where do you stand?

I am 4'11. I am itty bitty. I'd like to say I have huge bones.. but.. I don't. I have a small frame. Little wrists, tiny legs. I carry my weight in my belly.

So.. looking at this cart my ideal weight is 103-113 pounds! Haha! WOW!

I use to be 204 pounds! yikes!

I am still 40 pounds overweight. Ughh. My goal of 130 might turn into a goal of 115. Imagine that! April 2011. 115 pounds! Hey.. this time last year I was 50 pounds heavier... I could do that!

What's your motivation?

I am getting married in 65 days. I have lost 51 pounds. I have won contests. Had articles written about me. I have had reasons, goals, and rewards. I have joined groups and websites. I have used all resources available to me. And yet.. I found myself looking in the mirror this morning. I am healthier, I am thinner, I am happier. And for the first time ever.. My motivation is looks. Yes.. I want to look better.

Perhaps its the upcoming wedding.. but I still want to lose more! 10 more this month. Yes .. I am going to try for 10 more pounds this month.

I was starting to feel comfortable. I like myself. I like the way I look. I like being in the 150's. Mostly because this is the thinnest I have been since jr high. But I'm still not there yet. I still have not reached my goal.

I am going on Vacation on May 4th. I hope to be 143 by then.

Get a pet and lose some pounds!

We found a rottweiler puppy running in the road on Easter.

We have been "fostering" him.

He has kept me active for the past few days.

I highly suggest getting a dog!

We can't keep him.. however he really helps! I'll miss him when he finds a new home.

Break me off a piece of that Kit Kat BAR!

Its Break time!

You are a little bit hungry, what do you do?

You head the vending machine. You grab a tasty drink.
You find yourself chomping on the free box of donuts in the break room..

and before you know it.... nooooooo!! What did I do?!

Yes.. I'm talking about SNACK time!

The first way to stop your snacking habits is to find out what they are. This begins with a food journal. Write down everything you eat in a day. Everything! Even if its m&m's at 2am. Write it.

This will help you to see where you are consuming calories. Now.. you might be a good snacker! Perfect! But for all of those who are night time nibblers.. read on..

YOU CAN OVERCOME SNACKING!

Step 1:

Get rid of all your cookies, cakes, ice creams, chips, and anything else that is fatty, sugary, and what we call.. comfort food.

Step 2: replace foods with fruits, yogurt, vegetables, or rice cakes.

Step 3: Keep busy. If you are at home do something. You might want to eat because.. thats what you do when you watch tv. Boredom got the best of you.. and so.. why not eat? no no! Try doing something else. Reading.. exercising.. knitting..drawing.. blogging..

Step 4: Make sure to eat every few hours. Eating normal balanced meals will keep you feeling full longer.

Step 5: Bring a snack with you everywhere! I bring granola bars, sometimes even an apple. To ensure I wont be grabbing that muffin at the coffee place, or heading to fast food for a quick fix.

Step 6: My personal snacking alternative is drinking water or herbal tea (no sugar added). This is a great way to keep yourself full.. without adding calories.

At first its hard to say no to people when you are at a party and they offer you something to eat. But they will be even more impressed when they see you skip the cupcake they made.. and a few months later you are a size smaller! :)

*Once I went to a thanksgiving party. My family and I ate a health meal before we went. When we arrived, the only thing I snacked on was sliced green peppers. It paid off!

51

Today I am happy to say I have lost a pound! 51 down.. 23 left to go! :)