to be free

One of the things people have been saying to me.. is that they can't believe I've kept the weight off.

When I first decided to lose weight. I had gotten on the scale and saw that I was over 200 pounds. I had never been that big before. I was almost 100 pounds overweight. At the time I had been unemployed for 9 months. I felt as though people would not hire me because of how I looked. I was convinced. Along with that I could hardly breath. I had to lay down due to the chest pains and asthma I was having. I was a wreck. I didn't know how to change.

It all began by doing some research. I started looking up information on Overeating. Realizing I had a problem bigger than just my weight. I joined a group called Overeaters Annonymous. I started going to online groups where we discussed our Eating disorder, Compulsive Overeating. After a few weeks of group, I started to see how people never did anything proactive about their problem. The talks were the same people. Still eating. I thought about how if I were an alcoholic going to AA. I would probably need to stop drinking. Well.. how do I just stop eating?

So I did some research. I learned about calories. I discovered how many calories I needed to eat a day. I began to pay attention to what I was eating and drinking. Shortly after that I joined a website called diet.com. A commmunity of people who have followed my story and supported me through it all. I began my weightloss with a question.. why am I eating? The answer to that question often determined if I would eat that item. Was I hungry? Or was I eating out of an emotional attachment to food? boredom? sadness? lonliness? habit? Food had to become energy and no longer my companion. It could no longer be my drug.

My weight was never just pounds. It wasn't weight from a health problems or from having a child. My weight was from years of coping with a deep childhood wound. Compounded with years of being made fun of for being overweight. Like a visious cycle I just remained the same, blind to my own condition.

Everyday I am dealing with those wounds. Not with food. But with healing and love.
Losing weight has been like uncovering who has been hiding underneath that mask.

And now. I am able to live in freedom. Emotional, physical, and spiritualy whole.

For me, learning about my addiction wasnt enough. Being free of my addiction. Now thats where to change happens.

-I highly recommend the OA program. It truly helped me begin my process. Here is the website. http://www.oa.org/