normal

I have spent my entire life in obsession with food.

I realized last night that I finally feel normal.

Perhaps part of my lack of motivation the past few months is because not only do I not feel obsessed with weight loss. I am not even obsessed with eating.. Its kinda at this point you wish you didn't have to eat.. so you could just move on without ever thinking of it again...

why isn't it that simple!?.. :(

Sometimes I feel guilty for eating things people eat all the time, like a pancake or cheese on my eggs. Can't a normal weight person have cheese on their eggs every once in a while?

seriously.. what is a normal person to do?

I've only ever eaten too much of something or had to limit myself so hugely so I didn't engorge..

the other day my husband and I split a pack of reese's cups. we each had one. 105 calories. I'm sure he didn't feel guilty.. but of course later I did. I didn't even over eat that day. And I haven't eaten one of those in years. The weird thing was, it was too sweet. And I don't really desire to even eat them. I'd be perfectly fine without a reese's for as long as I live. And I use to love them.. did I? Or did I just love any candy?.. who knows..

I use to not even look normal. People always told me I had pretty eyes.

Now random people at work have told me, you are beautiful.

I only ever got the eyes compliment when I was overweight.. and now.. they notice my entire beauty. Could they not see it before?

I even feel normal. While shopping, I can pick out clothes from the ladies or even jrs.. before it was always plus size. I don't feel uncomfortable when walking around or talking to people. I feel... normal.

I feel in control. Sometimes it even feels good to not eat a snack when I'm a little bit hungry. I am in control of that. yep. I get to choose.

Today I put some cheese on my eggs. I saw this special on tv about how a little bit of fat each day can help weight loss. So... since I hardly eat cheese. I did it. I ate it! Should I feel guilty? I feel normal! HA! NORMAL! I didn't eat a pound of it.. and it was yummy. What a fantastic feeling! I ate cheese because I wanted to. Because I was hungry and I like cheese on my eggs.

Next week is my birthday. I feel as though. If I don't get this life under control.. when would I? I'm just getting older.. aren't we all..

I don't have forever.

Today I feel normal. And I like it.

I leave you with a picture of me from 2 days ago..