My identity.

I spent much of my childhood being overweight. After so many years of being that way, that is simply how I see myself. I do have self control now a days. I can pass up on any tasty foods. Even my old favorites. I use not be able to stop myself from eating birthday cake at parties, or pizza with the girls. I didn't really know what it was like to want to eat something. I just always did. I ate tons of things, and it wasn't because I liked them. I couldn't help but eat them.

Anyways. After losing lots of weight, and keeping it off. I have realized that I still think of myself the old way. I have new coping skills, and eating skills. However, that has not changed how I view me. The way I look today has become the new "fat" me. I still see myself as being to chubby. However I have the hardest time not anticipating a giant girl looking back at me. And when I look in the mirror. She's not there anymore.

And here is the hard part. In order to drop these last pounds and completely surrender to the process I know will work. I have to let go of the old me completely. I won't be the fat girl, I wont have trouble playing sports, I wont get tired walking around... then.. who am I?

I have spent much of this process discovering so much about myself. Things I really enjoy and never knew.. activities I love to do, but never could. I enjoy this new me.. all while saying goodbye to who I once was. I didn't hate my old self. I just felt bad for it. I felt sad within that body. I appreciate those years of appreciating life. But I will never go back. And I have finally made it to the place of surrender. Of letting go of her. My old fat friend. She's held me back. And now.. I am ready.